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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in mike smolen's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, December 27th, 2001
12:10 am
here's a picture of me taken christmas morning.......
ok let's see if i did this correctly

EDIT.....ahh, i got sooooo used to EZcodes and things like that, i didn't realize i need to use actual HTML to link here
Wednesday, December 26th, 2001
3:20 am
i bet you all thought i was dead lol!
well i just wanted to say hi, and that i haven't fogot about my live journal, my life has just been incredibly hectic, and i am sort of being "smoked" out of my house, and i need to find somebody to stay with soon, so i am under a bit of stress, and have horribly neglected my live journal, and for that i am sorry
Thursday, November 15th, 2001
1:39 am
olivia asked me not to go see her this thanksgiving.......

yes she changed her mind eventually, but just the act of her telling me she didn't want me to come visit her made me feel worthless
Tuesday, November 13th, 2001
9:12 pm
well, olivia says my yahoo/hotmail screen names make her feel uncomfortable, and tied down, but she made me the hotmail one, and the yahoo one is the same, now i'm confused cause i left her club for a bit because she didn't want me to use my screen name, and then the next day she posted a post saying she'd like me to come back.......eh i'm confused

......and my trip had been cancelled......i don't know what is going on
Friday, November 9th, 2001
4:14 am
present time!!!
.........i've never ever ever been a present giver......i'm possibly the most greedy shallow fuck on the face of this planet.......

........BUT, i got olivia some stuff!!!!.....lots of cool stuff and she's gonna love it.........i've never been good at keeping secrets from olivia (i mean about stuff i am getting her), but this time my mouth is completely zipped!!!

...........by the way, we just had a big fight over a stupid misunderstanding.....it sucks, and i won't get to talk to her until saturday so i'm gonna die about!......but it'll be ok
Thursday, November 8th, 2001
6:40 am
holy fucking shit
i got up this morning (well afternoon) at one p.m........i haven't even taken a nap all day, and the sun is coming up and it's 6:40 a.m. and i am not to sleep yet......

i have some weird ass sleeping problems, i need to get back on track
Sunday, November 4th, 2001
4:28 am
it is nearly 4:30 a.m., and i'm not even one bit tired yet.........eh my sleeping habits are FUCKED, i will lay down and try to get some sleep now, but i'm not tired yet, this is weird......

anyways, i just wanted to keep you updated on what's been going on......olivia, i fucking love you, can't wait to see you.....alejandra, you are simply the bestest and sweetest!, i love you too.......and jess and tyler, you are a great couple and i love you too to death, i miss you guys

Current Mood: happy
Friday, November 2nd, 2001
11:30 pm
i've been posting on so many message boards that i have been neglecting my journal!, also, another main reason why i have posted here that much is when i first got it i got it so i could post when i was distressed, but lately, things between me and olivia have been pretty good, and i haven't felt very sad, so i haven't written in here as much, but that's good that i feel better, you totally help me feel better to when we get to talk, i fucking love it, i'd call you but i'm afraid we would talk until my phone card died =(, i will need to call you, but make it quick one of these days.......well i will just come down and see you around thanksgiving!.....i fucking cannot wait until i get to move there, sadly it is still several month's away, but it will be awesome when i live there!!!!
Wednesday, October 31st, 2001
1:35 pm
i miss you girl!!!.....i'm glad you left me this message cause i miss you!, i'm gonna call you soon, i would have called last night but by the time i got the phone back it was a little after ten and i didn't know who was sleeping and all of that.........ahhh i miss olivia incredibly, but yep she'll come home and i'll be waiting, and then very soon after that i'll be there in pico again!, that place feels more like home then my home does!.......i hope you didn't get in trouble at school!, and thanks for saying hi.......talk to you soon!

Current Mood: happy
Monday, October 29th, 2001
1:54 am
i am getting excited!!!
in less then a month thanksgiving will come......and i will get to see olivia!!!!!!

Current Mood: excited
1:28 am
as many of you know i have been spending much more time on the cradle of filth message board, and have been neglecting my live journal, but i will still make a point to write in my journal from time to time.........recently i've re-kindled with the whole world of black and death metal, and older gothic music (such as bauhaus, sisters of mercy, and christian death), i have also gained a much higher appreciation for classical music, and over the top guitar solos, i seem to be drifting further and further away from the mainstream and many of the bands i once liked are becoming pointless in my opinion

Current Mood: happy
Thursday, October 25th, 2001
4:38 am
well it is 4:38 a.m.
fuck!....i need to sleep a little more often, my sleep hours are way fucked, and i usually stay up this late, well early, but i think i should make it a habit to get more sleep.....i can try at least......

Current Mood: tired
4:25 am
i've been neglecting this all too badly....
the message board at www.cradleoffilth.com has been where i spend all of my free time on the net these days!, sorry for those of you who actually read this

Current Mood: tired
Monday, October 22nd, 2001
5:30 am
it's 5:30 in the fucking morning, and i haven't gone to sleep yet, and i'm not tired a wink!!!!.......fuck how will i get to sleep

Current Mood: bouncy
2:24 am
sorry for neglecting my journal as of recent...
...i have no excuse for this

anyways, this is how my day went, i woke up because i heard people all around the house, and my brother (who lives in portland, an hour away) was over too, so they said i had a half an hour to get ready to go out, and just then olivia called, and i wanted to talk to her soooooo fucking bad, i almost didn't get ready just so i could talk to her, but reluctantly i had to go, but i figured i could call her when i got back around 3 or 4 p.m. (the plan was to go bowling...or at least i thought that was the plan), so we went bowling in north salem, the best i got was a 146 (what do you think of that score???), and i went to lay down in the back of the car for the way home, only 20 minutes later when we weren't home, i looked up and realized we were on the freeway to portland, so we went to portland and went to the biggest mall there and went to all sorts of neat stores, and for once in my life i got out and had fun!, well it would have been more fun if i could buy something, i didn't have a penny (i'm saving it all up), and then soon it was dark, and rainy, and my mom had my drive home from portland (at least an hour away), and i'm not used to driving, so there i was driving in the dark, and in the rain, and to top it off our windshield wiper was fucked so i couldn't use it.......don't worry, i got us home in one piece, but by the time i got home it was past 9, and i went straight to the phone to call olivia (we both thought we would talk a lot before this time), and she sounded soooooo happy to talk to me, but worried too, i mean not worried that anything was wrong, but i guess just worried, we talked until she got too tired to talk anymore and went to bed......well i made today sound boring as hell, but in all truth it was an awesome day and one of the VERY VERY VERY few days that i've gone out and done something, the other times i went out and did something was when i was in los angeles with olivia, she brings me to life =)

Current Mood: tired
Saturday, October 20th, 2001
9:22 pm
cradle of filth.....
i've always really liked cradle of filth, but recently i've purchased some of their c.d.'s that i did not have before, and i have found message board bliss at their official message board on http://www.cradleoffilth.com feel free to say hi to me there if you want!, i am "forest of shadows".......there is this one guy that's spamming the board though, i hope they kick him off, but other then that this is the very best message board for me yet!, i can learn tons from these guys and girls, they are all more educated in black metal then i am

Current Mood: cynical
Friday, October 19th, 2001
12:44 pm
to let you all know what it looked like when i cut myself
here are three pics i took on my webcam to show you the progression of my cuts, as you can see it started out with one little cut, then became 7 cuts, and then a lot more

NOTE!......i edited this entry on october 29th.......there were 3 pics here, i have my pics hosted on www.webshots.com, but they deemed my second pic to be too gruesome and obscene, and for now i don't feel the need to find another host for that pic....
10:42 am
new pink floyd "best of" set!!!
it's a 2 c.d. set that i saw a commercial on last night, i probably won't buy it cause i already have all of those songs on c.d., but it looks like a pretty sweet 2 and a half hours of pink floyd bliss, it's entitled "echoes" which is the fucking best!, i ALWAYS list echoes as one my very favorite pink floyd songs, but it's very underrated, and enver gets talked about, it's the last song on meddle, and it's more then 20 minutes long lol, and i'm glad it's finally getting some attention........but i don't feel soooo hot now, kind of sick, so i'm gonna go offline now and try and cheer up somehow

Current Mood: uncomfortable
Thursday, October 18th, 2001
9:06 pm
hey everyone...
well as of last night at 11:28 p.m. i have been with livejournal.com for a week, and for those of you that tried to sign up you know that you need a "code" to sign up, and i got my "code" so my awesome friend jess could sign up!!!, i'm really looking forward to reading her journal entries because she always has interesting stuff to say, plus i just like to know how my friends are doing, and how they are feeling, and the "current music" and "mood" options are mega fucking cool, really fun too, i love them....well i hope more of you sign up for this, i fucking love it

Current Mood: excited
6:45 pm
you always were the one to show me how...
back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now...
this thing is slowly taking me apart...
grey would be the color if i had a heart...
come on and tell me...
you make this all go away...
you make this all go away...
i'm down to just one thing...
and i'm starting to scare myself...
you make this all go away...
you make this all go away...
i just want something...
i just want something i can never have...

i bet you are all wondering why i posted some of the lyrics from "something i can never have" by the nine inch nails, and i guess that's just because it's the song of the hour for me, i've been playing it for a long time, when i listen to this song i feel like myself, the lyrics sound like something i wrote about myself, especially the part that goes "grey wuould be the color if i had a heart", and i guess i do want something i can never have, well maybe not something i can never have, but right now i want something that is just out of my reach right now, i will get that something someday though, i will have it, and never give it up

Current Mood: peaceful
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